Leopardfly Definitive: It's Been Ages.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

It's Been Ages.

I haven't been able to post for a while, because I was so busy overseeing the building of a spaceship to Mars, writing a 3,00-page graphic novel, winning the nobel peace prize, becoming a world famous guitarist, and hiring assasins to "take care of" Hannah Montana and the Jonas Brothers.

No, actually I forgot, although I'm still working on the assasin situation.

What I've been doing is going on the Great Grandparent Tour. First we go to my Grandma's cottage in Michigan on the beach, then to my Grandparents' house in Boston.

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Interesting things to ponder or laugh at depending on what kind of person you are

"I swear I heard a baby crying in my refrigerator today."

-Chelsea

"I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out."

-Unknown

"My head is crying."

-Stealth Pigeon

"I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone."

-Unknown

"Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't."

-Unknown

"You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter."

-Unknown

"My psychiatrist told me I was crazy, and I said that I wanted a second opinion. He said, 'Okay, you're ugly too.'"

-Rodney Dangerfield

"The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest."

-Roseanne Barr

"How could someone paint my butt without me noticing?"

-Parker

"Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?"

-Anonymous

"There is a difference between very difficult and impossible. Winning a Nobel Prize is very difficult, eating the Sun is impossible."

-Anonymous

"Sometimes I wonder, 'Why is that frisbee getting bigger?' And then it hits me."

-Anonymous

"Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die."

-Anonymous

"My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is."

-Ellen DeGeneres

"Experts say you should never hit your child in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?"

-Roseanne Barr

"I'm a godmother. That's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute. I taught her that."

-Ellen DeGeneres

"Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?"

-Benny Hill

"I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want- an adorable pancreas?"

-Jean Kerr

"Whoever said, 'Nothing's impossible,' never tried nailing Jell-O to a tree."

-Lisa Bryant

"I smell hot!"

-Me (Long story, no comment)

"What if bears have people spray?"

-Nils

"Fragile. Do not drop."

-Posted on a Boeing 757

"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions. I just don't always agree with them."

-George W. Bush

"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils."

-Louis Hector Berlioz

"All generalizations are false, including this one."

-Anonymous

"It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off."

-Anonymous

"Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?"

-Anonymous

"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."

-Anonymous